We decided to forgo the weekly potluck and came home immediately after the service. We had a quiet lunch, Mara and I, of vegetable soup and quesadillas, while listening to a guitar concerto in the radio.
As we ate I marveled at my silliness. It hadnât been as scary as Iâd thought; in fact, I had almost enjoyed it. And though my mind had drifted off for long spaces of time during the service, my musings for the most part hadnât been morbid. The people Iâd known before hadnât chewed me out, either. The biggest surprise, however, was that Mara and I hadnât killed each other on the drive there and back home. There was a subtle change between us, and I did not know how it had happened. It was just very odd to discover that though neither one volunteered to begin or carry any form of conversation, the air was not tense as it was wont to do whenever my scatter-brained older brother was not around to liven things up.
âDo you want to go back for the afternoon service?â Mara asked as we cleaned up. âSome Gospel singers from out of state are coming to sing.â
I shook my head, âIâve had enough for today, I think.â
Mara scraped something from the kitchen stove, âWell, I suppose it would be too much to ask.â
I regarded her warily from the sink where I was drying the dishes. Was she trying to start a fight? âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â
She frowned, âItâs not supposed to mean anything. Calm down, Tanya!â
âDonât tell me to calm down! Itâs not like Iâm angry or anything.â The dishes clattered loudly as I stacked them in place as if belying my assertions, âYou always think the worst of me,â I muttered.
âDonât give me that.â Mara threw her cleaning rag on the sink and proceeded to wash it clean, âYou are the one who suddenly wanted to go to church, so I took you with me. You didnât want to stay for potluck, I brought you home. I am way past forcing you to go to church. I was simply offering to take you. Do I get a âThanksâ? No. Do I expect it at this point? Not really. Just donât shoot my head off for trying to be civil.â
Her words stuck me. I didnât exactly agree with her sentimentsâshe somehow always managed to verbally outmaneuver meâbut the revelation that she wasnât entirely trying to antagonize me left me speechless for a time.
âIâm sorry,â I said after a while. My tone was subdued from the effort of getting down a huge slice of humble pie, âI didnât knowâI thoughtâŚâ I sighed, âIf you are going Iâll join you. I can drive if you want.â
Mara wrung her now clean rag and hung it up to dry. âI wanted to hear the concert, but I had originally thought to spend the day up there. Going back in the rain and then finding a place to park would be an absolute nightmare. Anyway. I thought Iâd go see Alma. Sheâs not doing so well after her surgery.â
âOk.â I said, as if I had an idea who Alma was.
âYou going out today?â
âPfft! I never go out.â
She looked surprised, and I wondered what it was she thought I did on Saturdays when she was out the whole day. For the sake of our new-found truce I didnât volunteer any information.
âI think Iâm going to do some homework. Or study. I have some big exams coming up.â
âItâs the Sabbath.â
âIâll take a nap then.â
âOk. Iâll be back in the evening.â
âTake care.â
Fifteen minutes later Mara left, and I remained at home to listen to the rain.
Part 21 – If You Only Knew